Thoughts amongst Quarantine

Am I spelling Quarantine correctly? Let me check…

It feels weird to write about Quarantine, especially since I planed to write about it, well, when it ends. (A part of me feels like it’s never going to end, but I do have a tendency to be dramatic)

In my last post, I wrote about “more exciting things” to come upon my graduation from my Master program. I now inform my dear readers, that not much has happened since then. I moved to a new city, into a new apartment, but my life by itself didn’t change in any visible way. And since this blog serves the purpose of recording in some ways my mental state, I would say my mind has gradually moved from frenzy/frustration in March to boredom/irritability in May & June. Some of my friends told me to cherish “little joys” of life through this pandemic. Instead, I realize that sometimes, I get deeply disappointed and angry at the smallest inconveniences/annoyances in life. I don’t think this pandemic is helping me to become master of Zen. Instead, it’s turning me into an impatient cell-phone lady, as in I hang around my phone all day long. My phone is now my salvation: my friends or family sometimes video-call me, and I try to cling onto them as long as possible. If not, I scroll through my podcast list, just to hear someone talking to me. Oh God, when is all this going to end.

Another thing I started to notice, is that the word “Quarantine 15” started trending on social media. I tried to avoid it at the beginning, just like I tried to restrict my addiction to phone in March. I regretfully say I have achieved not much on both front. The extra time made available during this pandemic allowed me to learn 8 different recipes to make banana breads, which I ate all by myself. (because honestly, who would I give them to?) I followed an online HIIT regime, which started out too simple but now became too difficult. And it’s always the same dude, “give me your EVERYTHING, nothing less”. I gave EVERYTHING to you yesterday, and the day before yesterday! Even when he says, “don’t overheat yourself, it’s very important”, it sounds ironic and full of pity. Online fitness classes are another type of clown plays, especially getting kicked out by Zoom, when I was upside down! I used to have a friend who said he could never gain weight. How jealous am I right now… If only my digestive system isn’t so efficient as it is.

Besides, I have realized, that sometimes, even I myself was annoyed by some of my behaviors, which is in itself a whole discussion that leads nowhere. One day I decided to sit down and do a puzzle, yet half way through I was so frustrated by it I shut myself in another room, refusing to see the puzzle. The only things that keep me nice and mellow now are crime series and horror films, and the creepier, the better!

I don’t regret anything I did during the Quarantine, but I do sincerely hope that it would end soon. If not, I can’t promise what kind of crazy mumbling might come out in my next post…

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