What happened in Berkeley seemed to be a million years ago. I still havent figured out how Accounting works, and now I fear that I never will. At some point I would have to take the CPA exam, maybe for that reason, grades don’t matter, as long as I can pass the exam.

Fall semester in the Midwest is not that different from the West Coast. And some part of me realized that my fervent urge to work back in SF is only a superior and self conscious inability to accept. To deal with the past, one has to first mourn its loss. And then one can move forward. But so many part of me are doomed to be forever tangled with my past, how can future embrace me, when I never wanted to leave.

Every day seems so long and remorseful. I am surrounded by people I neither know nor like. Chicago airport is always malfunctioning, just yesterday when traveling back from Minnesota our plane got stuck on runway for half an hour. My job hunting prospect in SF isn’t where I hoped it would be, and for that reason I had the feeling that SF no longer wants me back. Maybe thats the case. Maybe there is no way back. But to move forward takes so much courage and will, when I consider neither in my possession.

Amidst the grey prospects of my new life, I do hold this tiny hope that one day, maybe in the distant future, I do find my life joyful and lively again. Until then, I shall not go gentle into that good night.

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